It’s the first day after Christmas break, and you guessed it!  I am dealing with one of the most formidable beasts known to man, the Post-Christmas Psycho Toddler! The combination of late nights, sleeping in, no naps,  and a fucking ridiculous amount of sugar is now rearing its ugly head in my usually adorable 3 year old.  I am pretty sure I have said “WTF” in my head in response to her meltdowns at least 57 times this morning and it’s only 10 AM.  But seriously, WHAT THE FUCK?!

It blows my mind that Christmas break can do this to a kid! I shit you not, she has had a mega-meltdown over every damn thing this morning.  EVERY. DAMN. THING!  I actually handed over the entire sugar dispenser to her for her cereal this morning, in hopes that it might chill her the fuck out and slow the detox process a bit.  I know how I get when I give up sugar, but I fear I just fed the beast!!

Here’s the kicker, we are desperate for groceries, so I had to actually take the beast to the grocery store! I will just say this: I apologize to everyone we encountered this morning.  Not only did I have a flipping out psycho kid, but my anxiety from the situation brought out my shopping cart road rage.  I may or may not have run an old lady down in my attempt to get the fuck out of there as quickly as possible.  And Dawn, you were an excellent cashier, and I appreciate your attempt to arrange all my groceries neatly in bags, but if you didn’t notice, my kids were going apeshit while you took your sweet time checking me out, and for real, I did not give one single shit about my bread getting smashed.  You must not have kids. So, I apologize if seemed to be a super psycho bitch. It wasn’t you, it was my kid.

Now that we’re home, I plan to keep the Octonauts rolling so I can start drinking.  Heavily.  God help me to get through the rest of this day with the beast.  I’ll update later, if there are any survivors.